He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
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