my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
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