If you die in college, do you die in real life?
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Randomize
