So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Randomize
