I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
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