Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
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