omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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