ya dads aren't the best wingmen
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
