You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Randomize
