i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Randomize
