James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Randomize
