if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Randomize
