I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
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