Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
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