Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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