some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
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