so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Randomize
