im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
