I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
I am midnight drunk by noon
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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