bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
I can text with my tongue
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
We don't watch enough power rangers
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
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