why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
ttyl tear gas
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
