I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
