I seem to have left my pride at pride
you didnt know i had herpes?
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
The feeling are messing with the penis
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
