i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
