Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
