shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Randomize
