NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
i out mim tonsoeep
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