I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Randomize
