literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
I'm bleeding and have questions
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Randomize
