the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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