Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
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