No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
