I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
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