I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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