hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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