Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
