Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Such a big mess for such a small penis
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
