Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Randomize
