i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
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