the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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