every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
you will always have a special place in my vag
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
