at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize