Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Randomize
