Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
So much rum. So many feels.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
