Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
