Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
