She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Randomize