eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
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