Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
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