dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
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