I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Randomize
