last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
