sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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