you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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