Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
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