Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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