i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
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