Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Randomize
