i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
