WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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