I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
