omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize
