I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
