Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
I think a kid would responsible me up
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Randomize