Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
You're like the curious george of whores
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Randomize
